It's become a regular thing around here that my daughter have friends over EVERY weekend and sometimes on Thursdays. If school's out then my house is full and no matter if I've got $1000 worth of groceries 3 to 4 teenage girls weighing a combined total of no more than 130 pounds can eat every bit! Twelve pack after 12 pack of Mountain Dew and Pepsi are consumed and I think there's about 3 half empty bags of chips just hanging out while a brand new bag is ripped into. Blow Pop & Pop Tart wrappers adorn the kitchen counter mere inches from the trash can while I put on my best smirk, stare at 4 sometimes brainless acting girls & throw the trash where it goes all in a matter of fractional seconds. All 4 girls stare back at me like 'Ok? Good job with the trash thingie Mom!' and my non verbal hints are completely lost!

Every girl that comes over for the night (including my little angel) has enough hair product in tow that alone they could supply a city the size of the continent of Africa with various hair spray, hair gel, volumizer, shampoo & conditioner yet every time you see them it's one of two hair dos they're sporting. I'm confused. Why would you spend that kind of....never mind; I forgot I'm talking about teenagers, in particular teenage GIRLS!

It's scarey sometimes when they all come over because their overnight bags are the size of some of the smaller Samsonite luggage that I've seen. You know, the kind that should be on wheels that when stood on end measure 8 to 10 inches above your waist & are twice your width. I see those things and my first thought is: Her mom has made her mad and she's staying here till she's 30! I have to resist the urge to call social services and go ahead and sign up for food stamps & a place in the projects! Lots of times I've been so afraid of a permanent type of arrangement that I've been able to hear my heart beating in my head while visions of a life of poverty flash before my eyes! It's those times that I've called Pete to the side and whispered "Now how long did you say she was staying?" So far nothing permanent but it never hurts to ask right?

The stairs in my house are REALLY steep (ask Jennifer & Richard) so I wear cleets as a precaution when I go up to check the cleanliness issue that MUST be addressed when teens are in the house! Visitors of Pete's, without fail, comment on the stairs and cling to the rail for dear life both ascending and descending! Have you ever been on a plane and watched the stewardess do those funky hand motions while a voice tells you what she's doing it for? Ok, I sometimes feel like Pete should be doing those hand motions while I tell the girls how to approach the stair issue. Picture if you will, Pete at the top of the stairs hands going in this direction and that direction while I recite: "It is recommended that you take the stairs one at a time being careful to white knuckle the handrail the entire 13 stair pattern. Heels over 1/2 inch are not recommend for this journey & the idea of talking while in a forward motion is not permitted for your safety. We politely request that you maintain possession of your signed form stating that you will not sue should you break a tibular or femur while visiting. Thank you and come again!"
Some of the girls seriously have terror written all over their faces when they see the stairs! If I knew it would make sense to them I'd start singing..."and she's buyiiiiiiinnnnnngggg the stairway to heeeeaaaaavvvvveeeennnnnnnn" but they'd just think I was demented so I hum it in my head and watch them go up with my fingers crossed. After about the 2nd or third visit they're tackling the stairs in stilletos while texting and I'm sure that I liked it better when they were terrified!

I enjoy my weekends. Doing nothing, working around the house, hanging out with the family or just plain chillin' all day in nothing but jammies. When Pete invites her friends over all that's gone and I'm up and down till 2 or 3 in the morning because I've been woken up by giggles, screams, or huge THUDS when one of the girls have fallen off Pete's full size bed. Two other EMPTY beds in the house yet there are four girls in one bed! How can you say somebody pushed you off the bed when there's 4 of you in a bed made for two?

What really makes me question brain function is when they all get ready to go somewhere. Man what an event this is! You'll never see them more focused! You'll never see any of them concentrate more on what's going on! You'll never see ever again in your life such attention to detail! Put the shirt on, take the shirt off. Switch shirts with this girl. Loan your pants to the other girl because those do more for her butt than they do for yours. Hair up...hair back down. Wet hair again...straighten hair. Ribbon doesn't match...change shirt to match ribbon. Old boots....new boots. Part to the left...back to the right. Position hair to cover pimple on chin. Pose in the mirror, stand to the side..now the other side. Look over your shoulder at your butt...make your seconds ago loaned out pants be given back..change shirts...forget the ribbon. Pull shirt up 2 to 3 inches from the EXTREMELY low rise jeans to expose some skin...pose again making this statement...."Oh my gosh! I'm so fat!" (knowing that 14 Big Mac's wouldn't put so much as an extra ounce on the scales). Friends reply: "No you're not! I am...look!" expose flawless belly and put on fake disappointment face. Group huddle...snap picture. Group huddle again..snap picture. Pete & one friend...snap picture. Pete with another friend...snap picture. Continue this process until all friends are photographed (building up that portfolio for America's Next Top Model I guess...only they know for sure!) Then it's my turn to take pictures of them all. Pete with one friend...snap! Pete with another friend..snap! Group picture. Group picture minus one. Group picture minus two. OMGosh!!! I'm blind! I'll never see Emma again! I'll have to feel out her features!
Pete: Ok ya'll what perfume do you like?
Sniff that one..then this one. Pssstt. Pssst. Pssst! My house smells like the fragrance counter at Belks and they're off! Everyone of them says "Bye Mom"...I just wave in the direction that I hear the voices coming from then feel my way to bed because I know that I'll need to get up mighty early to wash all of those clothes that were on bodies for negative 20 seconds! O the filth negative 20 seconds accumulates! Wash them for goodness sakes!