All three of my girls know that I love to travel. I don't really care where I go as long as it's not in Richmond County I'm game.
"Oh mama, you should look into a cruise they're just so much fun! Really you can't beat the price! The food is included and everything! And Oh My God!...the islands are just beautiful! You'll never travel cheaper than you will on a cruise!" That's Stephie telling me about what a bargain it is to cruise. This coming from my oldest who had me paying for her groceries while she travelled on piggy bank scrapings and couch diggings down to Florida with her wonderfully spontaneous, absolutely irresponsible friend Julia. I love Julia's attitude but I would've been jailed for child abuse if she were mine.
I still can't figure out when it was that Stephie got to be such an Aunt Kimmie type of person and truthfully, it's beginning to worry me that she's so frugal. I think I might have to find ways to put a op-stay on the phone calls to Immie-Kay. So I made up my mind that I'm just not listening to Stephie about the cruise because she's looking at it way to much from the savings side and that is far to boring to me. Granted I don't make six figures a year but by gosh I want to go have fun and not worry about the money!
Not going on a cruise! Not going on a cruise! I'm just not! Stephie took the fun out of it!
It should come to no surprise at all that my seventeen year old wants me to go on a cruise. Even if it means she misses a pair or two of Hollister pants she's all but pushing me out the door! She's been so sweet (please note sarcasm). "You deserve to go Mama. Don't worry about the money or me I can take care of myself." I can see it in her eyes. She's thinking 'Hmmm...I wonder how many times I'll be able to see Cody when mama's gone'. Little does Wendi know that I've already alerted the Penis Patrol as to the dates that I will be gone. This means no gangster looking Gumbyish boyfriend gets to linger around taking up air and space while I'm unable to supervise! Why yes indeed Wendi will hate me for this and I will get the customary eye roll as proof of her disgust. Surely my world will stop revolving.
What made me go out shopping for clothes for the cruise then? Good question.
Candi talked me into the whole idea of a cruise and all its trappings by virtue of her patience.
"Mama, if me, you and Tony all go together your price will be an amazingly low $350 for a week and that includes all of your meals!" I think she's watched too many game shows thus the Bob Barker pitch but you know, Candi just says it different and makes me want to go. Of course
Stephie's already said frugal words so now I'm thinking: 'Maybe I shouldn't go that's still a lot of money" but Candi is persistent and calls I think about 47 more times until she's talked me into it. So I give her the money for my part of the trip. My stomach is in knots as I do this but she's got it now so I'm in...no turning back!
Gah Lee Pete! What have I done? I just remembered something very critical to my enjoying this trip! I'm so claustrophobic and they've said the the rooms on the ship are like the size of my closet give or take a couple of inches! Now I'm mentally going into panic mode! I can feel myself starting to hyperventilate! My heart is beating at the same rate as the speed of light....I can feel it in my EARS! A cold sweat breaks out all over my body and my clothes are sticking to me! I look at my hands and my fingers are drawing up like claws and then the twitch starts! There's that high pitched ringing in my ears and I'm about to press the last 1 in 911 before everything goes black! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THE ROOM SIZE!?
I'll be in a saltine cracker box with TONY and his funky big toe! I'll have to fight the urge to shave off his beard! How will I fight him in a saltine cracker box? How will I breathe in there? I'm feeling like a fish out of water! At some point Tony will take off his shoes and theres the TOE and all the smells that go with it and I'm in a saltine cracker box with that?!?
Ok, I'm not thinking about that anymore! I just can't! If I do...there goes the trip for me! Not another second on the room size or Tony's toe.
I'm going to have tons of fun!
I'm going to look good at the Captains Dinner in my red dress that I got today. For as long as my granny panties don't inch their way over my fat rolls till they're hanging from the heel of my shoe I'll be fine.
A spray tan should hide some of those ugly veins caused by my pregnancies. Really kids, it's not your fault mama's ugly now.
I'm getting my hair done soon but I'm kind of worried about the humidity so I'm packing Crisco in the lard form that oughta do it don't you think?
Im tossing around the idea of changing my foundation color from Crayola Crayon peach to something more realistic like the Summer Barbie doll tones.
Do tell, what else do I need for this cruise?
