Mr. Daskall's gravesite is always the first one I notice. Not just because it's the biggest one near the parking spaces but also because it's the headstone me and Jan used to sit on to watch the cars go by & to catch our breath before we got back on our ten speeds to wander the neighborhood. Yeah, I know that's awful but we were 14 and the headstone was cool to our butts in the summer. At first I thought the whole idea of sitting on someone who was dead was pretty eerie but Jan, whose daddy was a mortician, saw nothing wrong with it (imagine that) so when in Rome I guess.
Jan & I were always making plans to do something together during the weekends. I would spend the night with her or she'd spend the night with me. We'd go to the movies or drive around in her moms car illegally (we were 14 remember?) or the aforementioned...ride our ten speeds from sun up till just about sundown. I remember one weekend in particular that we had really big plans! We were going shopping AND we were going to the movies! We were both so excited we could hardly wait! Thursday afternoon rolls around and Jan and I are parting ways at Rockingham Junior High all smiles and giggles because Friday's almost here and lots of fun awaits us! At last it's Friday but I don't see Jan. I've not passed her in the halls not even once. Oh no, I hope she's not sick! That would ruin EVERYTHING!
"Why?" I said. "Jan's grandma died of a heart attack last night." I felt so sorry for Jan but being so young I had no idea what to do or what to say to Jan. Mama said "You should just call her up and tell her you're sorry to hear about her grandmother." I didn't want to do that! Ewww, her granny just died! I'm not saying anything! What if Jan's crying? What if I can hear her whole family crying? In my household we all live forever I'm not doing the "die" thing EVER!
After a considerable amount of nudging from Mama I finally did call Jan and I was fortunate that she answered the phone. My hand was shaking as I held the phone, my voiced cracked and my eyes began to fill with tears as my not so steady voice said, "Sorry to hear about your granny Jan. Is there anything I can do?" For as long as I live I'll never forget Jan's response. In fairness though I have to remind you that Jan's dad was a mortician. Jan said:
"She just had to die on a day that we had plans! She just ruined EVERYTHING! Mom said the whole weekend is SHOT all because GRANDMA had to DIE!"
You know, I don't have even the smallest of clues as to what I said after that. I'm sure that I spent some time getting my chin up off the floor but besides that what was my response? I'd bet Jan can't even remember. Of course I told mama what Jan said and if you know my mama at all then you know she wasn't too fond of Jan after that and so our little friendship fizzled and Pam took my place. It's funny after more than 30 years I still don't like Pam for being Jan's friend back then. Well....Jan did fun stuff. We lived on the edge driving illegally and dodging traffic on our bikes!
I thought about all of this as I walked around Eastside & it dawned on me yet again the valuable lessons I learned from Jan the day her granny died. Thing is, I didn't realize how valuable they were until decades later.
1. Death comes regardless of what you might have intended... it comes when it wants.
2. No matter how healthy, or how unhealthy, how young, how old, or how spiritual you are, you too will die.
3. Death is not something to fear, it is a part of living. From the second you are born your clock starts ticking. What makes it life is all the things that happen from that first tick to the last tock.
It's been debated among people for years and years as to weather or not they would want to know the time of their death. Having been diagnosed with a potentially deadly disease I can tell you first hand that there is a great deal of peace you find within yourself when you know you may very well be going to meet your maker. I hate to be cliche' but it's like you've waited to exhale all of your life up until that point that you learn you may be leaving. It's like...Ok Jesus, I'm ready! Take me from this place to one much better and THANK YOU so much for giving me the chance to make amends and to do a little work for you before I go! Your forgiveness and mercy reminds me of how unworthy I am of your sacrifice for me & I stand amazed! Take me when you will but please don't let my family see me suffer. Ready when you are!
I hope when the Lord calls me home for many things; not the least of which are these:
1. I hope that my mom and dad are gone before me because my death alone would cause theirs.
2. If I am to suffer, I hope my family doesn't have to see it and forever have that memory etched in their brains.
3. I hope that I've gotten the courage to do the right thing and apologize to ALL of those that I have wronged.
4. My children will miss me but I hope that they will remember that it's my body that's gone, who I am in part lives on through them (just leave the temper part of my soul out ok?).
5. I hope that in some small way I have made a positive impact in at least one persons life.
6. Don't buy a plot, vault, casket & headstone for you to come talk to or put flowers on. I hope that instead my ashes will be thrown in with the water, sand and sun where my heart is...where my fondest memories of childhood are...where I've always found peace...I hope I will be left at Carolina Beach.
One 30 minute walk reminded me of all of this. What a precious gift life is! What a waste of time it is to be angry, sad or worried! I'm going to go live for a while. I hope everyone I love does the same.
