Well, I was hoping for more like 10 to 12 inches of snow but all we got was about 4. My boss is from Alaska so getting him to call a snow day is next to impossible. Every time the weather channel predicts snow and we all start talking about it at work you can just see the "Oh my god they're only calling for INCHES of snow not feet" look come over his face. Most times though he just rolls his eyes and walks away...enough said with the eye roll I guess.
So with the snow comes memories of our trip to Loon Mountain, New Hampshire. Gerry, this yankee guy I used to date had this habit of taking us country hicks everywhere you can possibly think of along the east coast. Why I never saw him use food stamps or coupons is beyond me. Anyway....Loon Mountain. Now Gerry, being from Massachusetts already knew how to snow ski so after the hustle and bustle of renting skiing equipment off he went but not before buying me and Stephie skiing lessons. How embarassing...skiing lessons for me! I should know how to ski even if I do come from a town that all but shuts down entirely at the first flake of snow and besides how bad is this going to make my hair look? How am I going to look period! I already didn't have the proper ski attire. All I had was jeans. Stephie and Jennifer go no where without the latest fashion in tow so they had their little ski suits with matching hair bands, nail polish and lipstick. I was so aggravated to have to do the bunny slope thing. I mean really...what's the incline on those things? Two degrees? Four maybe? At one point I was having to stand there all bow legged and rock back and forth trying to get my skis to move an inch! End result...I'm on my butt looking straight up! The lodge was looking better and better. What I should've done was go to the lodge first. There I could've had a couple of draft beers and blamed my inability to ski on the drinks but it was morning so all they had was orange juice and a bad attitude.
Jennifer, Stephie's cousin is like on skiing commercials she's so good so her and Gerry are on the mountain that goes up and brushes the feet of Jesus while me and Stephie are on the bunny slope built by Tonka trucks. Needless to say I'm not a happy camper. Next thing I know little Miss I Can Do This makes her way to the lift with the aid of Jennifer. Jennifer helps Stephie up twice but Stephie is determined she's going to play with the big kids. This is what you need to know about Jennifer and Stephie. They will sometimes get so mad at each other it turns into a yelling match. I've more than a couple of times thought it best to hire a referee for weekend trips with the two of them. So Jennifer, resident snow ski professional knows how to do the lift thing and Stephie doesn't....she just got off the bunny slope how could she? There's a battle between Jennifer, Stephie, snow skis, snow tongs (what do you call those sticks you ski with anyway?), scarves, boggins you name it they get all tangled. I don't think I even need to tell you that the yelling match between them turned into the lift operators asking:
"Are you guys ok?" "YES!!" they yelled back and off they went.
So I'm praying for a valium as I watch that ding-a-ling daughter of mine go up into the clouds to ski back down. Just off the bunny slope. I'm shaking my head but it's too late now. Gerry's been by a couple of times and he's asked me how the lessons went. Every time I think about this ski trip I think I should write him a check for the cost of the lessons and mail it off. "I can't do it" I said just like a two year old only without the tantrum.
"Where's Stephie Ann and Jennifer?" Gerry asked. All I could do was point upward and blink back the tears.
"WHAT? They went to the top?"
"Yes! Don't say it like that! You're supposed to be the one to say 'they'll be ok!"
He didn't say another word. He just skiied off. Well!? Well!? Has he gone looking for Stephie and that awful Jennifer who dragged my child up the mountain??? Has he gone to bring Stephie's lifeless or paralyzed body back down the mountain?? Can he bring both of them down?? Hmmm, I wonder if they have St. Barnards for rescue here? Valium! Beer! Valium! Beer! Oh Stephie! Please come back down in one piece! Jennifer, that's it! You're not going with us ever again! This and the escalator (another story there buddy) has sent me over the edge with you!
Then I saw the three of them. Stephie, Gerry and Jennifer. All of them. Laughing and having a grand ole time while I shivered in soaking wet jeans from falling so much! Three year olds who I'm sure sprang forth from their mothers wombs with skis strapped to their feet seemed to circle around me mocking me and Stephie, Jennifer and Gerry were joining in!
I don't know when they came in. I left them out there to have a good time while I went and nursed a good pout. Too bad the bar wasn't open!