Carolina Beach is the beach that we all went to when we were kids. This is the place that I so looked forward to going every summer for a week or two. Daddy would rent an ocean front house no less and would make it a point to take his vacation from the railroad in the summer so that he could spend time with all of us. Why? You've got me on that one! I would probably HAVE to have a bare minimum of 2 weeks vacation withOUT the kids for the sake of my sanity forget the relaxation aspect! I mean really, how can you call it a vacation when you're taking with you: 4 kids (the accident, I mean my baby brother wasn't born yet), a wife, a grandma (my mothers mother), and a siamese cat named (insert drum roll here) Snoopy.
Talk about fun though! Those were absolutely the best years of my life. We would get to the house and immediately jump out of the car and run in checking out the best hiding places as we went. All through the house you heard, "This is my room and I'm not sharing!" along with the sobs from the kids who didn't get the room they wanted or who had to share. In the mean time Mama, Daddy and Grandma are doing the UNfun things like unpacking the car and planning the next meal. We didn't want to eat, we wanted to go out on the beach and get gingerbread tan as we played in the sand and collected shells. It never failed, we had to wait to eat and then wait on Mama and Daddy to change into their bathing suits. Waiting on them was like waiting on the seaons to change...or it was to us as kids anyway. Over and over again we'd say...."Can we go now?" , "What about now, can we go?" After hearing that about 4 times from all 4 kids I can see where it would get on your nerves and you'd finally hand out the verbal threat..."IF EITHER ONE OF YOU ASK ME AGAIN WHEN WE'RE GOING OUT ON THE BEACH I'LL PACK OUR STUFF RIGHT BACK UP AND GO HOME AND I MEAN IT DAMN IT!!" That was Mama. Daddy could flip on his "ignore" button with the best of 'em back then. That worked for about 5 minutes then we were whispering that same question to each other. But we had to have them with us so they could be our personal lifeguards since one of us every summer ended up being knocked down by the waves, dragged under and hauled out about a half mile into the ocean which sometimes left us all but requiring mouth to mouth and cardiac resusitation.
I remember one year my oldest brother, who has always been THE most hard headed was told to get out of the ocean because we were going in. Never mind that we'd been out there till we were dehydrated, had third degree sunburns and were delusional with heat stroke none of us kids were ready to go in! We'd fought our battles over the rooms and played hide and seek till all the good places were as well known as the nearest Wal-Mart. We had already tortured Grandma by doing all the things we knew aggravated her to the point of dreaming of life in a rest home as a luxury. We had even touched her dentures as they soaked in a glass on her night stand. What else was there to do inside?

I guess when you're an eight year old hard headed boy you don't think you need your personal lifeguards so my brother decided to linger for a while in waist deep ocean water as we headed back to the house with our sand toy finds and sea shells (all to fight over later). Mama turned to yell at my brother once more this time with a threat telling him to get out of the water "right this second!"
I'm so glad that I realized that I had dropped my yellow plastic sand shovel. The instant I bent to pick it up I saw a wave that was at least the height of the house we were in come up behind my brother like a black cloak and wrap itself around him! I saw knees...feet...blonde hair...panicked expression...hands...knees...feet...blonde hair...panicked expression...knees...expression. Roll after roll crash after crash the waves just kept coming taking with them by brother in all his hard headedness!

Mama was marching in place, pointing toward my brother and screaming to the top of her lungs "VON! VON! WADE! WADE!" I stood there transfixed on this sight. Nothing else in the world was going on but my brothers battle with the ocean and so far the ocean was winning! Daddy calmly sat the lounge chairs down, told mama to shut up and casually walked down to the shore and plucked my brother out of the ocean like you'd pluck a flower from it's stem...just another day in paradise. We all just stood there & watched my daddy bring my brother back up to where we were by the same arm he'd managed to grab from out of the waves. His feet never touched the ground and he was covered with tiny shells from the very top of his blonde head to the very bottom of his feet. He had that awful cry face and it was then that I realized that even his teeth were covered with tiny shells!
My brother was in trouble because he'd made my mama march in place and scream profanities in front of complete strangers! I didn't lose it though. I knew that even the smallest giggle would mean that I'd be getting the same beating that my brother was about to get! Oh but I followed him and Mama. I followed him and his crying sea shell covered body straight into the house...down the hall to the bathroom and I watched him get a spanking while Mama reminded him: "YOU ARE THE MOST HARD HEADED CHILD I'VE EVER SEEN!" With each word she said, she added a spank. I'm standing there, yellow plastic shovel in hand laughing my head off on the inside at what all I'm getting to see. This beats Grandmas dentures & fighting over the rooms! I wondered with each spank if the shells on my brothers body were like needles when Mama spanked them into his skin. Don't dare laugh, I thought. Ooohh...don't dare smile. I bit the sides of my mouth as Mama ran some bath water while she told my brother that he could stay inside with Grandma for the rest of our vacation. Don't laugh, don't laugh! No! Don't laugh!
Then she did it! My mama pulled my brothers skin tight swim trunks down and there where his butt crack should've been was nothing but sea shells! I lost it! I laughed so hard at him I nearly lost my balance!
I couldn't control my head going back as I laughed! I couldn't control it at all until Mama said..."VON!"...and I heard daddy coming down the hall. His footsteps were like thunder and I knew I was going to get it! "Do you think that's funny? Your brother could've drowned!" "No" I whimpered trying my best to look angelic. Too late. He'd heard me laughing.
Sometime later me and my brother stood on the screened porch watching the waves and the seagulls. He had the snubs still and so did I. His butt was red under his summer pajama bottoms and mine was too. I had to say it. To me it was the only thing that I could say to my brother at the time....


"It's all your fault I got a spanking sea shell butt crack!!"